Dear Carolyn,

I'm driving with comfort! Eight months now! Totally comfortable and loving it! This is a major big deal for me, an incredible positive that I'm so proud of.

A little over a year ago, I could not even drive 1/4 mile from my house without having a panic attack. A half-mile, panic was worse. That's how far the post office is. Go just slightly further than that, the grocery store and bank and I'd have a major panic attack. I'd have to pull over, cry, call someone on my cell phone, then talk to that person the rest of the way and then do the same on the way back. These trips were rare, most of the time I didn't even try to venture out of the house by myself. The fear was overwhelming.

It got to the point that I became totally dependent on my husband and friends to help with errands. It didn't matter how short a distance it was or what it was for. It also got to another point, emotionally. That was the worst part for me.

Emotionally, I was a "high functioning, physically disabled, anxiety ridden, and mildly depressed, retired professional" wreck. Smiling now as I write this description. That was a quote from my doctor's notes. He just left out the part that I was constantly having panic attacks for about 30 years, was a bit OCD, (let's not go there, lol), could not drive without feeling like I was going to have a heart attack, and that my self esteem was at an all time low. In other words, I needed help. Emotionally, I was desperate to find a way to conquer my fears, anxiety and depression and get my independence back.

Cynthia

I found it. My own desperation led me to "it", collectively: The Attacking Anxiety and Depression program, lots of practicing on each session, Carolyn's Driving with Comfort tape, and a tremendous amount of determination to change.

The third week into the program I started facing my fears. That old, determined student mentality of many years ago kicked in, (OCD at its' best) and I paid attention and did as instructed, every step of the way. (Almost, hey who's perfect in real life?) That part of my perfectionism paid off. I admit that I modified by listening to the sessions many more times than instructed to do.

I started out as recommended in the program, baby steps. At first it was just getting into the car and calming down before turning on the car. Practicing the breathing technique before even walking out the door and then again in the car. Took my tape #3 and popped it into the cd player in my car and off I went. By the way, every time I drove those sessions were playing. It was like having a dear friend encouraging me every second.

Little by little, day-by-day, the distance I drove increased. Not by much each day, but enough to be proud of. Every time I drove, I congratulated myself for being brave and facing my fears. I also told myself hundreds of times that with each time it would get easier and more comfortable. It did. Positive, empowering thinking really works.

Now and then a panic attack while driving tried to sneak in, but it passed and I continued on. Positive self-talk got me through the rough spots. Amazing what thoughts can do.

After about three weeks of driving I ordered Carolyn's driving tape (Driving with Comfort) and started to play that in my car also. Awesome tape. This helped me quite a bit also... Love it!

With each baby step in facing my fear of driving, and with each passing week of working on the program, my self-esteem increased steadily. I'm still working on a few things, but that's OK. I can drive wherever I want to go, by myself, and life in general is so much more peaceful and fulfilling.

Thank you Lucinda, Carolyn, and everyone else for believing that it CAN be done, I did it!

Huge hugs to all,
Cynthia

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