Don't you hate it when someone says, "I'm sorry /but/..." Or, "I'm sorry-/I was just trying to/..." "I'm sorry," isn't a discussion, it's a statement. It is meant to be a simple message of: "I see that this did not go well – I hurt you – I'm sorry."

I have committed many /sorry discussions./ Not too long ago I deeply disappointed a friend. I didn't show up for an occasion that meant a great deal to her. I called after the event and told the truth. "I'm sorry- /but/ I was exhausted." Is it going to matter that I was exhausted? Yes, in my perfect world she would have reassured me that being exhausted is serious and needs to be on the top of my list. But-we don't live in a perfect world and she was left with the message that my exhaustion was more important than her 40th wedding anniversary. What if I had just said, "I'm so terribly sorry." What if I had just apologized?

People who are ultra-sensitive take offense easily and want everyone to see the world in the same way they do. They want everyone to be happy with them every minute, every hour... I wanted her to know I understood that I'd disappointed her – for a Good Reason. I wanted her to feel my exhaustion. I wanted her to say, "Oh, that's ok, no big deal," just like I would have done. I would have said that even if I had been deeply disappointed, because I want her to like me. And I would not want to make her uncomfortable.

Interesting-I would have stuffed the disappointment. I would have lied and said it was "ok." She didn't. She was real. I would have been a fake.