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When I first became familiar with the Attacking Anxiety program I was really thrown by the idea that I could choose how and what I thought about. Amazing! I never knew that I had a choice. (I'm not sure where I thought my thinking was produced or who was sending thoughts to my brain.)
Alayna
It took me about six months to learn how to construct good, positive, compassionate dialogue. I think it took another six months to really believe that I was basically a good and worthy person. I understand now that if we repeat, even a lie, often enough our brain will have no choice but to believe what we tell it.
I told myself for years that I was ugly, a loser who never finished anything. Eventually one acts out their beliefs. I always hide behind something or someone. As a young person I always chose (sub-consciously) friends who were smaller than I. I "took care" of them, opening doors for them, defending them. I would champion others but run behind them (figuratively) as soon as any attention rested on me.
I hide behind alcohol, food and cigarettes. I often pretended I wasn't very intelligent. What did that do for me? (Lesson 12) If I didn't finish, didn't succeed, didn't get something right... I had a built in excuse. "After all, she isn't too bright." I got out of being RESPONSIBLE.
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