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That truck really squeezed me. What came out of me was what's inside me. I confess, I was disappointed – for a long moment. Almost 20 years have passed since I found the Midwest Center. Twenty years of daily reminders to improve, live a more peaceful and productive life, and still the anger is there.
I've noticed it before. It's not as intense and it doesn't take away my whole day, but it's still the knee jerk reaction. I reminded myself that it's not the 'speed—it's the direction' of my self-improvement.
I get calls from folks who are nearing the end of the program and they express some frustration at not being as far into recovery as they thought they'd be at lesson 6, 10 or 15. I have come to accept (there's that word again) that I will always be on a journey. I accept that lessons learned at 2, 4 and 17 don't disappear – remnants remain for perhaps a lifetime. I can learn how to respond differently. I can look at situations differently.
I accept that I CAN change. I am living proof that we can. But "change" has a timetable. Change is gradual. Change is in steps. Change comes with effort. Change comes with diligence. I'm happy to be going in the right direction. I will continue to assess and adjust... some day I WILL BE PERFECT! (Just kidding.J)
Lessons learned: Exhale. "Thank-you's," instead of curses. NO hand signals. (Actually the fist gesture was an improvement over what I used to do!)
Finally, if I am ever in a similar situation... I'll go for the gravel sooner! Carolyn
| Fr. Stan DeBoe of Maryland, sent a beautiful testimonial letter (you can see it in the Fall- Winter Newsletter-Less Stress Press-due to be mailed in late November). In part: "... yesterday I shared with the entire congregation where I assist on weekends my own struggle with depression and anxiety. It's not something to be ashamed of. In fact, in my "profession" I hope that as I share my own struggles with depression and anxiety that I can offer them something that I didn't know when it really hit me earlier this year – we are not alone in this. I've enclosed something I found on the Internet that I read EVERY DAY; I read it to the congregation. The response was overwhelming. It's not often people stand and applaud after a sermon. After every little triumph I can hear Lucinda's voice in the background – "Life is good." So is God.
As I write this letter I'm still quite emotional. When I started the program, it was my lifeline. I could not have done it without you. Now I tell people that my depression and anxiety are a gift. Who'd of thought that? But without it I'd have never met me. And you know what, I like me. He's a good, gifted person, and part of his gifts are depression and anxiety because I can now channel them, I can offer my journey with others, I can be at peace, even when my body and my mind want to rebel." Fr. Stan |
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