Those of you who can relate, you know what behavior like this does to one's self-esteem. Realistically I know that years of repetition requires years of rebuttal. Each time I confront mypersonal lies, the closer I get to my personal truth. I still run for my silent "cave" at times. I still call myself unpleasant names once in awhile. But now there is a huge difference-I HEAR the words, I SEE the behavior. I no longer live a knee jerk life. I can question kindly. I can choose different words and different behaviors. I can CHOOSE.

Self esteem means we have esteem for ourselves, respect for ourselves, we honor ourselves. It literally has everything to do with what we decide we think of ourselves.

Exercise for this week: Ask, "How do I feel about ME right this minute?"

When I drink too much... "How do I feel about me, right this minute?"

When I decide to stay home and watch a movie with my child rather than go out with 'party' friends. "How do I feel about me, right this minute?"

When I eat things that are not healthy for me... "How do I feel about me... ?"

When I go for a brisk walk instead of yelling at someone... "How do I feel about me...?"

When I procrastinate... "How do I feel about me...?"

When I finish a project... "How do I feel about me...?"

Loving myself means I accept my humanness, my mistakes and my successes. It means that I am worthy of forgiveness. It means that I am capable of making amends if necessary, of repairs and of sorrow for failings. Loving myself means I can learn from any situation and ultimately LET GO and move on a wiser person.

"You can't step into the same river twice." As a river flows it moves sand, plants, pebbles and rocks; a river is in constant transformation. We are in constant motion, mind, body and spirit. Every one of my thoughts, words and actions are a part of my transformation.

Like a river,
Carolyn

I want to share a book I picked up today: POSITIVE CHANGES, by Alexander Lockhart. It is filled with 544 ways to stay upbeat during downbeat times. I just started reading this book. I love the positive affirmations.

I am currently going through the program for the second time. I am coming to the realization that my anxiety really isn't going to hurt me. It says in Lucinda's book and the workbook to look for patterns during anxious times. Well, I definitely feel a "pattern" in the morning. You see, when I was at my worst, mornings were a dreaded time and all I worried about was "what is wrong with me?" I felt that every day for close to a year. Luckily through the grace of God I found the program. I think I am finally convincing myself that mornings don't have to be bad. I make them that way. It's amazing what the human brain can believe. I constantly think of putting the "good stuff" in my brain.

Thank you for being so inspirational. You guys are a Godsend. If only I had known about you guys earlier, I could have saved myself much unwanted pain. However, I believe God intervenes when the time is right.

Sincerely,
D. Sclafani