By Carolyn Dickman
Every Wednesday morning I give a 15-minute pep talk to the staff. It’s our middle of the week re-group. As you may be able to imagine, some of the folks that call customer service are not always in the best of humor. They don’t feel well in mind, body or spirit. They have been suffering with stress, anxiety and depression for a long time. They are not expected to be at their best.Using Words to Uplift, Encourage and Strengthen
My goal is to uplift, encourage and strengthen the staff. If they are feeling good about themselves, they will be able to uplift and encourage those that call. Makes sense to me. Of course I get something out of it too. I get to prepare and give a short talk. God forbid that I ever stop self-improvement! I hope the following “Wednesday Minutes” will inspire you to inspire others.The Words People Use Influence What We Perceive
I grew up in a very authoritarian home. “Authoritarian parents emphasize obedience…produce withdrawn, fearful children who exhibit little or no independence and are generally irritable, unassertive, and moody.” (Human Development Life Span Approach, F. Philip Rice, University of Maine) I was that unsure child. It was difficult to make decisions and be confident of one once made. I always looked to others for the directions needed to navigate life. This can lead to problems with anxiety and depression throughout someone’s life.When I was 11 years old a baby cousin picked up my prized Brownie Camera. I reacted on instinct and was spontaneous. I didn’t turn to my parents for help. I grabbed an age appropriate toy for the baby and immediately traded. My Aunt Betty, the baby’s mom, reacted with such pleasure and praise that I almost ran away, back in the 50’s praise was supposed to “spoil” children. One of the things she said was, “You are so good with children. You should think about being a teacher.” I had never thought of myself as capable of college or good at anything. I did think about it- for the next 7 years. I realized that I didn’t always have to feel anxious or useless. I could make decisions on my own and I could help others learn. I became a teacher- I think I always will be.
We Have Chances to Use Words to Improve Lives Every Day
We speak to people who have been through unimaginably painful childhood experiences that create a lot of guilt, anxiety, and depression. I spoke with a woman this week who had been reared by a mother who didn’t have both feet on the ground. The mother divorced the girl’s father and she can still remember sitting on his knee and hearing him say he is leaving. That would be sad enough, but her father was the only safe figure in her life. Her stepfather would wait until no one was near and whisper in her ear, “You are nothing. You are a . . . If you tell I will kill your mother.” This man tortured her mentally over and over. It’s no wonder that she developed crippling anxiety and excessive worries. She didn’t have a foundation to trust anyone, including herself.It is understandable that this woman at 40 has periodic episodes of clinging to her husband and children from excessive worry and anxiety. She goes into complete panic when they leave for work and school and often needs to go to a friend’s house for the day. It’s understandable, but not a healthy way of life for her or her family. Especially if her children adopt the same responses to anxiety.
I gave her a very simple assignment recently. She was to read the front and back of flashcards 1-4, every morning for 7 days. My intention was that she be filled with the coping skills in those lessons so she could reduce her anxiety. For whatever reason, on the last day she had an insight that helped her connect her feelings of loss and abandonment in the present moments and those feelings she had of danger, loss and abandonment that she felt on her father’s knee. From this moment on she can use this insight to change her life so that she doesn’t have to live with excessive worry and anxiety.
Giving People the Words They Need to Recover from Depression and Anxiety
We speak to people every day who have endured awful life experience. We may not be aware of each person’s personal story, but everyone has one. You can be instrumental in their precious, present moment - the moment with you. One encouraging sentence changed my life. You can be part of the one insight that opens the door to a better life for someone with anxiety, depression, another mood disorder, or someone who just needs to feel connected to a caring world again.Have a wonderful day. Be an Aunt Betty!
Carolyn
