by Carolyn Dickman
One of my life philosophies is: Sometimes it’s your turn. I don’t ask, “Why me? Why us?” I say, “I guess it’s our turn.” Keeping this perspective reduces my feelings of anxiety during stressful times. I’ve never believed that God zaps people. I’ve never bought into the idea that illness or challenges were punishments or “tests” sent by some higher being to see how we’d do in stressful or tempting situations. It just doesn’t make sense to me that He plays “games” with us to see the choices we make in the face of stressful, scary events. I’ve always thought that God, Higher Power, Creator, Father, Yahweh, Jesus…walks beside us as we go through tough times - yes, perhaps He even carries us as the wonderful poem, Foot Prints, describes.Sharing Our Turn for Hard Times
Well, it’s our turn to experience a stressful time. My ‘stand-by-me’ man for forty-one years has been diagnosed with kidney cancer. We’ve been walking some shaky, quaky ground lately. I thought I’d share some of what I’ve learned so far:People Are Good
First: people are basically good. I know that the media and idle talk often lead us to doubt that, but we’ve talked to relatives, friends, and lots of professionals, and almost to a person they’ve shared a positive story with us. Paul is on so many prayer lists that he should be levitating any minute. This realization fills me with hope.Positive Thinking is the most Important Coping Skill
Second: the most important coping skill we have - Positive Thoughts…Positive Thoughts! All that I’ve learned through the program and beyond is keeping me truly ALIVE. I don’t know if I can explain that without sounding maudlin…before I went through the program and learned some basic life-management tools, I was one of the “walking dead.” I wasn’t really living. I survived with anxiety, depression, and panic, but I didn’t live. As I’ve evolved, I no longer think like that. I am now hopeful and peaceful, even when facing stressful events.Recognizing and Changing Habits in Stressful Times
Third: I’ve learned over time that my habit is to take less good care of myself when things are stressful, which creates more stress over time. I usually stop walking/exercising, start drinking more caffeine, and over-eating so I get some warm fuzzies (which leads to fluffy). You know the dialogue, “I deserve these adjustments because life is difficult right now. I need that German Chocolate Blizzard.” What baloney I buy sometimes when I feel stressed! This time, I am walking, drinking decaf, and I promise that ice cream I had last night is the last for a while no matter how much stress this event causes.Find the Funny Parts of Life
Fourth: Laugh! Find something to smile about at every opportunity. The very act of laughing reduces stress and anxiety. After nine hours of surgery and two days in ICU, one of our grandsons was getting a bit anxious about PawPaw. His mom anticipated that on the third day he’d be in a room that would allow five- year-old visitors so she planned to bring him to the hospital. About an hour before they were to leave Kyle came to his mother and said, “Mom, I don’t think I should go.” “Why son?” “Well, I’ve been talking to God.” At this point his mother, a faith filled Sunday school teacher, was thinking what a decent job she’d done so far in giving her dear son the ability to talk to God in times of trouble and stress. She asked him, “What did God say?” He said, “It will probably be boring.”Open to any and all miracles,
Carolyn
