Observations from the Moment

By Carolyn Dickman

TRANSFORMATION: Alteration-Change-Conversion-Revolution-Renovation-Makeover…

I love the little button on my computer that brings my thesaurus right to me. Remember when we had to get the book out, figure out how to spell the word and then flip through the pages? How things can change.

The Positives of Transformation and Change

I think “transformation” is a very positive word. I think if we believe there is more to our existence than just this world, we have thought about transformation and the possibilities in change. Certainly if we have at least dabbled in “change,” we’ve thought about the process of transformation.

I have been sure for a long, long time that everything and everyone that we encounter, every day, has the potential to transform us. This belief of mine has caused some raised eyebrows and harumphs from family and friends, but this belief in the power of daily change has been very positive for me. I was once very shy about starting a conversation or asking a question, very uncomfortable directing attention toward myself. Those days are gone. I have changed.

Transformation: From Silence to Speaking

I am the lady in the line that turns to you and asks a question or makes a comment about the weather or the sale on beans. I am the lady who stops your brisk pace to ask, “What kind of dog is that?” I’m also that obnoxious lady who asks how your day is going if you’ve just answered your child crossly. Some would say I’m making up for all the silent years. Others would say, “Ma, you’re going to get us killed.” Still others have said, “Do you have to talk to everybody?!”

But you never know where a transformative experience is going to come from, so why not try it with every potential encounter?

Transformation from Experience

I remember a flight I took from Detroit to New York City. As the plane leveled off and we were allowed to put the tray table down, the elderly woman seated next to me unfolded hers and proceeded to bite off each and every one of her long beautiful nails. Watching her was a bit frightening, but I could feel that there was an opportunity to find transformation.

Now I’m a nail biter once in awhile and I may never be completely and utterly comfortable flying, but this behavior I knew was coming from something very deep. I waited until she was finished because it seemed she was so driven to do this that she wasn’t even conscious that I was beside her. I asked where she was going. We talked for some time and in that time she told me some of her life story, but most significantly that she was going to New York to sit with her dying son. The experience of her pain was transforming for both of us. Watching her reminded me not to take relationships, happiness, or health for granted.

Finding Transformative Moments in Everyday Life

It doesn’t have to be, and usually isn’t, such a huge emotional hit. Most of the time my moments of transformation are as simple as backing my car out of the garage, stopping in the same spot in the driveway (almost every morning), and looking at my flowers. I don’t always stop to smell the roses, but I at least look at them.

Seeing the color reminds me to cultivate “color” during my day. To find positive experiences. Seeing their heads bob in the wind reminds me to be flexible but strong. To learn from the transformative moments of life. Seeing the lively effect they have on the front of my house reminds me to surround myself with energetic people. Then I usually flow into a gratitude moment: grateful to have the strength to garden, see, smell…

The Power of Making Transformative Moments

Last summer I was in West Virginia, just bopping around, hill to hill. We stopped at a State Park because it was promoted as a place with a grand view. It was, but in order to see it one had to descend 200 or so feet, which wouldn’t be bad, but the return climb was not meant for fluffy people. It was a bit of a challenge.

The view was everything one would hope for but the transforming moment came when I overheard a young father behind me. Evidently his little boy, perhaps four, was up to some type of mischief. The father said, “Make a good choice son.”

I stopped in mid-step; every word was so powerful. I wished at that very moment I had heard those words 40 years ago so that I could have said them to each of my children. “Make,” the father gave his son permission to: own a decision, to take full responsibility for that decision. “A good choice,” think son, what are your options? And finally, “son,” the name that proclaims, acknowledges, and affirms that this is his dear child. “Son” says – you belong to me and I look to you.

Can’t you just see this boy at sixteen in his first car deciding whether or not he should test the power under that hood? Can’t you just hear his dad’s voice in his head, “Make a good choice, son"?

Finding the Opportunity for Transformation

There are opportunities each day for transformation. The journey: from fear to freedom, from fear to security, from fear to openness, from fear to adventure, from fear to welcome challenges…the journey from fear to love is a choice we make each day.

Yes, dear children, I have to talk to everybody.

I wish Transformation to all,

Carolyn