by Lucinda Bassett
Hello Everyone,Well, here it is… another one of life’s major milestones. My first born, my only daughter, my pride and joy, best friend, dinner partner, walking companion, etc., etc., just left for college. Not only did she leave, but she went to a school on the other side of the country, which in this moment feels like the other side of the world.
I don’t see her car tearing down the driveway. The phone isn’t ringing off the wall. I don’t hear music blasting from her room, or a light beaming from underneath her door. Ugh, my heart is broken. These daily omissions leave a sad hole because I miss her so much.
Getting through Tough Times of Sadness and Loneliness
How will I get through this? Does she even know how much I miss her? Does she know how painful it was for all of us to get on that plane and, as my little boy said through his tears, just “leave” her there?It just doesn’t seem fair. I was a strong, independent woman with big dreams and lots of energy.
Then “she” came along and my life was totally and forever changed. It wasn’t about me anymore. I still made time to create a business that would help others overcome anxiety and depression, but in my heart I did everything for her. All of a sudden there was this little person who was totally dependent on me and before I knew it, my whole life, all my decisions, and every move made was based on whether or not it was good for “her.”
Coping with Loss and Change
I didn’t plan on being so consumed by her; it was a gradual process. I became a gourmet cook for her, a volleyball expert, a magazine drive mom, a ballet assistant back stage at the Nutcracker, and the list goes on. I don’t regret a minute of it but…how did it all go so fast?The scary thing is, I am crying way more than I thought I would. I am sad and feeling a terrible void. And on top of all that, our 14-year-old dog Maggie, her dog, just passed away. Loss. Change. Both of which are not easy.
Learning to See the Positive Aspects of Difficult Situations
As I write this, I think how proud and amazed I am that she is so confident and strong. She did go to a difficult school and she did go across country, far from home. I couldn’t have done that. She knows no fear, and she doesn’t second-guess herself with obsessive thoughts and anxious attitudes. Thank God. What a blessing to watch her mature and blossom into all the things a person can become without the anxiety and depression that I once suffered with.I know my feelings of sadness are normal. I know I will see her often and she will be back. But it will never be the same and that is something that will take time for all of us to adjust to. I liked my life and my family the way it was. But nothing stays the same. When things change like that, it’s normal to be sad.
Luckily, I still have my amazing little boy Sammy at home. He will certainly keep me busy. I still have a great life and a wonderful career that gives me immense satisfaction because I get to help people overcome depression and anxiety everyday so that they don’t have to lead crippled lives. And then there’s my husband. He will always need plenty of TLC. In the meantime, I occasionally re-make her bed, drive her car, and yes, even listen to her “obnoxious” music. Funny, it actually sounds kind of “good” to me now.
Until next time,
Lucinda
